mafiadotorgfandomcom-20200213-history
Mafia Gazette Past Issue 30
21st September, 2005 'MORE MOURNING FOR VEGAS FAMILY ' The streets rang to the sound of a heated gun battle yesterday as Under_Boss, member of the Las Vegas Connection, was brought down as he walked down the street to pick up a newspaper. The afternoon before the event, Under_Boss was heard to instruct his closest friends that “ If I am killed be sure that the world knows I was killed today by an unknown attacker, I feel no hard feeling. I died defending my hometown. In the event of my death, all assets will go to Merc, Boo Diggins and 2 anonymous people…I will return.” A period of uncertainty followed with his associates lurking in the back streets checking for hidden gunmen. Eyewitnesses at the scene report that Under_Boss looked into the eyes of his killer, Mr Untouchable, with a defiant look right up until his final breath. Mr Untouchable simply stood over the corpse for a few seconds in silence before hurrying off into the shadows as if he was simply late for a dental appointment. Mourners at the funeral were astonished to see an angry looking guy called Judgement stroll up to the casket and kick it with such force as to knock it off its stand. Only time will tell as to the outcome of this open display of hostility to the Las Vegas Connection. 'CORPSE ANIMATION – TAKING IT TO A NEW LEVEL' By Ophelia Payne A shocking turn in the afterlife of now famous Charlie Baltimore occurred today as he was seen attending his daughter’s wedding. The United Nations was able to secure a section of the church for their family far away from the rest of the attendees. Charlie was seated in between Kestrel and Uncle Nicky, appearing to be propped up wearing a scarf around his neck to hide a broom handle that was keeping his back and neck upright. In seats surrounding the trio were Mr. Untochable, Mithras, Agnoletta Provenza, Miss Brown Eyes, Eric, Buttercup, and various other members of the United Nations. The entourage was seen occasionally spraying cologne into the air from jewelled atomizers. The bride was overheard sharing her concern for her father and was visibly upset that he could not walk her down the aisle as “the effects of his earlier stroke” were still preventing him from returning to a normal life. Instead Jimmy T was to walk her down the aisle and give her away. The groom was not available for comment as he was tied up in the bathroom being fed a cover story with a gun pressed to his head. Standing guard over the door were the feared duo Mr. Untouchable and Agent X. The two appeared stone faced and would not respond to questions about the situation. When asked about the growing concern for the health of those exposed to Charlie’s body Agent X flashed his revolver and asked the reporters gathering at the door hoping to snatch a sneak peek at the bride to leave. As the music began and the bridal party started their procession down the aisle the groom was escorted to the alter by two rather large groomsmen and was obviously distraught. The bride was beautiful, but as she passed the United Nations’ section of the church she could not help to be distracted by the poor appearance of her father. The bride’s mother was unable to attend, as she is out of the country conveniently and could not secure a flight home in time for the wedding. At the reception the bride danced with Uncle Nicky instead of her father, crying the entire time. As the evening progressed Mr. Baltimore’s body was forgotten about by the members of the United Nations and left laying down on the ground posed to look as if he had passed out from drinking too much wine. Although Charlie was not seen to be eating or drinking during dinner most guests accepted this reasoning, as Charlie’s nickname when he was alive was Light Weight. Sometime during the evening the body was removed, reportedly at the bride’s request, and said to be sleeping his drunkenness off safely at home in the company of his trusty companion Kestrel. Though their attempts at giving Charlie a life are beyond impressive, the United Nations can only continue this charade for so long. Eventually they will have to admit that Charlie is in fact dead and face the chances of legal prosecution for their crimes. 'MURDERER’S SON SPEAKS OUT' By: OddlySincere Gregoire_de_Fronsac was cut down in the prime of his life, having been involved in an earlier accident on the day if his death he was at home recuperating, he did not stand a chance. Early reports indicated that he might well have been set up or even killed by a member of his own crew, however after looking into this matter further up-to-date evidence would seem to suggest that the shot that killed him was fired by Stricker. His son; Bisto come forwards with a note that his father had left before his untimely death admitting to this terrible crime. The note is believed to contain a full confession: “I killed Gregoire, I had originally planned on mugging him which I did, first taking a princely sum of 500k, being a greedy bastard that I am I decided to try again, this time I only managed to get 50k from him. I swear I did not realise he was incapacitated and not able to defend himself, I had other things on my mind during this time I also purchased a gun, you see I knew I would be killed at any time soon so I thought that I might as well get some shooting in before someone killed me. The first shot was fatal, I did not realise until thirty minutes after this shot that he was not able to defend himself” his closing words on the note simply state “I’m sorry”. Soon after this note was found by his son Stricker met with his maker. Bisto has provided the answer to the question that was going through everyone’s mind, WHO…. We hope that this can bring some comfort to not only Gregoire’s son but also to those members of his family that have been frantically searching for clues to bring his killer to Justice. Despite the death of both Randle and Gregoire the Neighbour hood Outfit is still holding strong. For details please contact Red_Dragon. 'DEAR DIARY, DEAR DEPRARTED' By: Valencia Yesterday Finding Neverland Bar in New York City felt yet again another blow. After the countless deaths that have happened in Neverland, this one should not have happened. It started off ordinary, like another day. I woke up, had a hang over so I started drinking all over again. When suddenly WipeOut walks in and says less than 3 words to me. Feeling greedy, and slightly unloved, I walk outside and start to pace. And lo' and behold who do I see coming up the street? Why none other than Trevor. Well I pulled Trev into an alley as we discussed WipeOut and what we could do. A bit tipsy at this point, with Trev well on his way to trashed we decided to Flirt, outrageously with each other until WipeOut paid some attention to me. Well after an hour of this, and two pathetic attempts to Trevor of all people to stop the madness, WipeOut grabbed the shotgun off the wall...The shotgun that I wasn’t aware we owned... hmm... And threatened to shoot Trev with it. We Figured he was kidding so we laughed it off and continued on with our drunken antics. I finally go outside to check on WipeOut because he went out there mutter about him dying. a minute later he blew his brains out all over the pavement. Did WipeOut have to take his own life? No, but I can see why he did. Did WipeOut deserve to have that horrible joke played on him? Nope, But its was funny at the time. Will WipeOut be missed by me forever? Hell freakin yea!. I broke my own heart yesterday, not just his. -Val 'WE HEAR THAT…' Gossip column by: Trixie ....Carmela was seen walking down the streets of Chicago, on her way to the newsroom holding hands with a certain someone...Is there romance in the air? Trixie sure hopes so! ....Fluffy is really just a nick name for Herbert. J. Humperdink. One afternoon after school his older sisters decided they wanted to play beauty shop and a Home perm was a splendid idea! Well, the perm went terribly wrong, and eventually faded away. But the nickname will last forever. ....Thanatos was seen in his backyard sitting at a small table surrounded by his closest stuffed animal friends. Wearing a silly floral dress and a bright purple hat with a very large bow, Thantos poured afternoon tea and carred on conversations with his friends. Scone anyone? 'OBITUARIES FOR SEP 19TH - SEP 20TH ' *Dr_Thong : A fine young man, taken from us far too early. He had many friends, all will miss him. chris123mafia, RIP, call me up soon Princess-Mai, **Lays a white rose on his coffin** R.I.P hun. mm me when ur back. *HymieWeiss : Another one taken too soon. He was quiet but kept those he knew close to him. LoneWolf, RIP man, you were a good leader PaddyDwyer, RIP *lays a rose* *WipeOut : The reason of his death is subject to speculation but those he knew will be upset at their loss. RIP. Sky_Blue, Nooooooooooooooooooooo. awwwww, baby Rest In Peace BertoneJr, Rest in Peace dear Sir, you will be missed!! I hope your children get in contact *lays a wreath besides the marmor coffin* *Style : In this cruel world, Style was taken needlessly. He was a good man, and this was undeserved. Venom_VixenII, rip my love *sheds a tear* Paul_Vario, Good Bye my friend *cries out why* RIP my friend 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. Dr. Sefton FBI. BFG. FUBAR My business has recently expanded and damnit, I got a lot of holes to fill, and by holes mean important vacancies and by fill I mean STUFF. That’s where you clowns come in, Like area management? Want to build up your PR skills? Like working the community over for a modest/grand fee? I promise you this; you take out what you put in. Very shortly, I Dr Lipbalm will be acquiring the latest in mobile food vending equipment, YES! YOU CAN RUN ONE OF THESE FOR ME! YES YOU! THE ONE IN THE HAT! What I can do for you is like asking what can a gun can do for whackers. Yes Whack! See, that’s in the small print, you don’t need to read it anyway. But listen, you obviously look at me in awe, how did I get here to be this fine upstanding member of our society? Damnit! I dug, not with a spade but with my hands and sheer grit. How did I start, I started with a mobile coffee van and a dream. Now, now I OWN that van, now I OWN my clothes and shortly I’ll OWN you! So, be the first rung on my ladder, work at my hotdog vans and if you please me, I’ll please you by moving up in this world, making meet and greets. This world is nothing without contacts. Don’t stay anonymous, work for me…. We’ll reach the sky, because that’s the limit… CONTACT Dr. Sefton FBI. BFG. FUBAR at Sefton, Las Vegas. Sefton, making mankind proud with clay ------------------------------------------------- Sinatra’s Hello my name is Frank Sinatra and I am currently looking for staff to work in my bar ‘Sinatra’s’ which can be located in Las Vegas and Los Angeles. Duties will involve a number of things, which would be best discussed in private so send me a message. Even if your not looking for work then please drop down to ‘Sinatra’s’ for drink and some live music provided by yours truly, and if anyone else wants to perform then again drop me a line and ill get you ASAP. Food is now also available. Breakfast is served from 6am-11am. Lunch from 11am-5pm and finally Dinner is available from 5pm-9pm. Specials are as follows: Breakfast Special = Big Belfast Fry Up. It consists of nicely cooked toast along with soda bread, with bacon, sausages and eggs Lunch Special = Soup of the day. The soup of the day is a nice hot bowl of vegetable soup. With the vegetables fresh picked on the day. Dinner Special = Potatoes and Steak served with a variety of peppers and sauces. All specials are at priced reasonably at $5. Enjoy ----------------------------------------- I am in need of 8 people with prior 'on the job' experience. I am starting a... Construction company, and need trustworthy men and women to help me run the operation smoothly. If you are interested, please contact Titus. Be prepared to list your qualifications and employment past ----------------------------------------- Following Horses for sale 1 Naked Momma $500,000 Wednesday 11:59AM 2 Southern Comet $250,000 Wednesday 01:29AM 3 Lucky Hitman $400,000 Tuesday 08:59PM Contact: PaddyDwyer Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. '' 'REFERENCES''' '''1. '''Article taken from http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=38 Browse • • • • • • •